Thursday, October 13, 2011

A Long Ago Barbara

It's funny how when I look at old photos of myself  I refer to myself as Barbara, yet when I see a current photo, I'm just Barb. I wonder why that is? Well, I'm sure I don't have enough money for therapy to find out, so I'll just accept that's the way it is!

Journalling reads:
This photo was in a box of photos that I’ve had since my Mom passed away in 2003. I was shocked, amazed and pleasantly surprised to find this photo of me taken at Christmas 1970. Today, at age 62, I can’t believe I was this pretty way back when. I suppose I’m finally seeing what other people in my family kept telling me, "Barbara, you’re a very pretty girl." Why was I unable to believe them at that time. I don’t know. Is it the plight of all young women to constantly be so critical of themselves that they can’t see what others see? Unfortunately, I believe it is the same today for young women as it has always been, we don’t believe in ourselves enough and that’s sad. I think of my daughters and wonder if they suffered the same insecurities as I did all those many years ago. My mother wasn’t an affectionate mother with hugs and verbal endearments and the like. I grew to understand that she also suffered from a lack of physical affection in her childhood. I tried really hard to change that. I allowed my house to gather dust bunnies under the couch, fingerprints on the fridge and beds to go unmade in favour of playing with my kids. I remember teaching my first born to say "I love you" because I was desparate to hear it. Finally, she said it to my Mom one day and it went like this, "I lub boo, Gramma". My mom actually had tears in her eyes and repeated it to Tiffany. It seemed that from then on, she was able to tell her grandkids she loved them. It wasn’t until she was in her 80s that she could say it to her children. But, better late than never, I say!

1 comment:

Mary said...

Beautiful page and journaling....more beautiful lady! :O)